Yup, It's Impossible For Me To Get Someone To Understand

Alright, Imma start off by saying that; Yes, I know that unless the other person experiences something they will never fully understand. And, to the person trying to explain will constantly look like a whiny complainer...I desperately would love for those around me to understand, and help validate this RA (sometimes it makes me feel crazy, people really feel like this all the time.)

Complainy time! So today and for the past few days it's been my neck, shoulders, hands, r. hip, both knees and my toes. Especially my knees and hands though. I have a doctors appointment in a few weeks, on the 21st to be exact and I have to get my blood work done. I am nervous about my blood work, I haven't felt super swollen (celebrex really has helped) BUT I have been really sore. I have been getting more sleep and for the past few days eating a lot better...not so much of the processed yuck and I'm taking vitamins. I hope that it gets better...nothing like walking around feeling like various body parts got caught in a slammed door.

But, I guess that the fact that I can still walk, type and function is great. I mean people do have it worse and they do, a lot worse. I can still use all my joints and haven't had any documented damaged besides to my self worth (at times). Life could be harder, but right now it's alright.

Speaking of people having it worse...a guy at work, him and his wife just had a baby and it has to have surgery done soon. The baby's skull fused together, so they have to go in and unfuse it...not sure how that works but wouldn't want to imagine my baby having it's head cracked open. So for them I pray for their kiddo, and remembering life could be worse.

Although we can get swept up in our circumstances, we shouldn't let them consume us. Life will go on...and it does.

OH, oh, oh....and on Monday, no sleep for me. Hubby is having the cable hooked back up and they are coming Monday morning to hook it up. Genius, I am going to be so tired.

What a turkeybird, argh

Im kind of upset today, another complainy post.

I have been feeling slighty down lately...mainly cause I have been really sore and a little swollen. And, I aint getting any sympathy. If I want rest I have to take it, if something needs to be done I have to direct. And, this mama is tired, covered in Voltaren Gel and ready for a nap...literally. My hubby is being an a-hole. He has been keeping his nose in his cell phone and not worrying much about anyone else's needs. Its very frustrating. I would like to kick him in his sensitive patch between his bits, with a sharp toe nail. Yea that is mean Im just tired and moody. 

The weekend has started for everyone, I have work all weekend and not sure if anything else will be getting done. I know cleaning needs done and oh yea, finish Christmas shopping....dont know how I could forget about that (roll my eyes). Im not finished in the least bit...its horrible. I dont even know what to get for anyone...ugh.

Well, after all this brain farting, I am in need of a nap before work.

A While Now...

Lately, I don't feel much like my superhero self. This is going to be a complainy post...just a warning.

I don't really feel like the Christmas mood either. I went to bed last night and slept for 10 hours, got up and got the kids off to school and slept for another 5 hours. I have plenty of things to get done! My laundry is behind, Christmas shopping isn't done, kitchen and bathrooms could be cleaned and the list can go on and on. Life has been very bahumbug here for me lately, no energy what so ever and lots of swelling.

I know for my health what needs to be done...read as follows...I need a good multi-vitamin, I need to do more yoga, eat more whole foods and ditch the processed yuck, drink less coffee (although I don't use sugar anymore), drink more water and move my body in a more cardiovascular workin' kinda way. I know that if I did all of the above that I would feel so much better! Maybe I should change this blog from a perspective of me trying to do everything and to more of a direction of regaining my health and learning the virtue of patience. My RA hasn't been getting along with me so well, and it's mostly cause I haven't been treating my body so well. I guess this is time for change on my part. School is over for the semester next Thursday and doesn't start until the middle of January again. I think it may be a good time to start some simple changes that I can work in slowly but make a habit of doing them. I honestly do wish that the hubby was much more on board with getting healthier and being active, I know it wouldn't be a cure-all but it sure would help me some. So for a while then, I think my blog mission will change to documenting my changes in trying to get healthy again. A good change???

Random BullSh*t

I dropped dinner tonight. I caught a lot of hell for it. Mostly cause no one asked why I dropped it, I just caught a lot of crap for it. Got yelled at. My wrists are sore today and my fingers are a lil' swollen. Which is why I couldn't hold the bowl anymore, it happens. They didn't have to be so mean about it, they weren't in the kitchen making their own dinner.

They didn't ask if I needed help, nothing. So I am sitting here venting, covered in potato soup. Awesome.

I really hope my night gets better. I have work tonight, so it has to get better.

I am really starting to get pretty clumsy here lately...I wonder if this is something I may have to bring up to the doctor, I have been dropping a lot of stuff...ALOT.

Oh, well...time to get ready for work :/

No Rest

No rest this week.

Even though I could really use some...I'm such a space cadet from broken up sleep that my son read me a book, and I could not tell you what it was about. I also had math class today, ugh. I really want to paint my nails today and my daughters' nails with this cool idea to use newspaper....but I'm really tired. I fired up the coffee pot in hopes of enough energy to make it through the evening till bedtime. blah, blah, blah.

Next week is Thanksgiving, a holiday that I absolutely love!!! I donated $25 to the Scary Mommy blog, to help with Thanksgiving dinners for those that may not be able to afford the food for the holidays. I will be making individual Pumpkin Cheesecakes with candied Pecans, hmmm mmmm! I think I am most excited about those, and maybe some stuffing. I just love all the food, time spent with family, and just the warm feeling of the holidays. I am suppose to make more desserts, not sure what to make though.

Off to brainstorm...

Dirty Fingers

I am going to start off by saying, I KNOW I AM NOT PERFECT! I know I talk trash on other people occasionally when it's due. But, what I am tired of is other people complaining and pointing their dirty little fingers at others. So let me clarify what I am trying to say....when people complain that people aren't doing what they are suppose to BUT in the same hand they don't do it all the time either. I know there are times that I complain about others and what they don't do. It is always easier to focus on others and their faults, than to turn the mirror on ourselves. I am guilty of this many times over and I can admit this fault of mine and I know I get angry and upset when others point out to me what I am not doing or what I am doing wrong. So I think that for myself right now, I am going to look at my own faults before I start pointing out others faults in themselves. A positive step to be the change you want to see in others.

On that note....

Some faults I need to work on:

• being on time (I am habitually late for EVERYTHING!)
• I need to be more friendly to others (my wall)
• I need to let others know when I am upset and why
• I talk like a sailor (argh matey ;)
• to be who I want my children to be

So I am going to work on these lil' gems. Some will be harder than others but hopefully my hands will be clean. Although I'd rather not talk about others like that anyways...I don't want to be the gossipy miserable ole' sow. Let's focus on the good in ourselves and others before we pull out all the bad. 

Wow, I am Chewing With my Mouth Open

Or at least I was. I have chewed up a bit and wiped my chin clean.

I was going to school full time, I totally thought I could do it. I have a friend that is going full time, along with juggling various other activities and a kid...she made it look so easy! Well, let me tell ya', it wasn't so easy and I had to drop some classes. Okay, let me rephrase that last sentence, I dropped all three online classes I was taking. First off, I am not an online type of student. I need a teacher in my face, I need the accountability right there. So with a ton of wasted money and added stress, I am only in math class. I haven't talked to my advisor yet about changing my major. I am not even sure I would qualify to do the nursing program with having RA.

Rheumatoid Arthritis. RA. Life Drainer. The Fat Butt Bug. Pure Frustration.

I don't normally like to talk so much about the RA stuffin's with everyone, only those special few get to hear me complain and whine about how it makes me feel. Truth is, I know there are other people with the same disease that have it a hundred times worse than I do right now. So, I count my blessings that I am able to work, move and still take care of myself & my family, and I still occasionally get out to enjoy my life. It does get frustrating, very frustrating...days I don't want to move when I know that it's the best thing to do. To be honest, other bloggers and support groups aren't very positive. It's very disheartening to go to a support group only to hear everyone complaining about the same things we all are going through and their doctors, who are only human. People aren't looking for the silver lining in this illness. I know what mine is; it's to teach me how to slow down and enjoy my family and my life, To take better care of myself, to teach me patience and virtue, it's given me thought and perspective. Manners. If anyone knows a positive RA blogger, I would love to hear about them.

Alright, nuff said...chew, chew, swallow.

Ugh, really?

Today is gonna be a busy day, not that I planned it that way...I just have a huge procrastination problem. I am currently waiting 10 mins. until I can call the college to schedule a math exam that I missed yesterday. I needed sleep yesterday, the test had to wait. So now today I am stuck in the same dilemma, I am waiting until 10am when the test center opens...make my apointment, get like 5 hours of sleep, get the kids off the bus, then get some dinner, a shower, take that damn test, then off to work for the night.

I am NOT liking todays schedule, not one bit. Yes, today I am complainy but it's because I am tired.

I told my husband today that I would love to go back to being a stay at home mom again, well maybe a few hours during the day I could work. I just want an easy life...not so hectic like it is now.

I spoke with a few people at work last night, it looks like my part time work excitement will pan out to nothing. At work right now they do not currently have any openings for day work, at all. It sucks :(
I need a new job, like yesterday. Ugh!

Decision Makin' Time

Today I am tired, like really tired. I don't hurt and I'm not too sore...just tired. I know this is a pretty crappy way to start off BUT it leads into why I have to make a decision.

I work the 3rd shift in a bakery, makin' donuts from scratch. Sometimes I have to do other baking as well, like baking muffins, danish, and breads. It is an easy job and I get paid very well for what I do; but I work the 3rd shift, and I have done this for the past 5 years.

I know people are gonna say "big deal", but I also have 2 children. And, until this year they hadn't been in school for a full day. I refused to put them in daycare programs, mostly out of selfish reasons of wanting to raise my own children. I mean people can function on 4 hours of sleep a day right?!? Martha Stewart is rumored to only sleep for 4 hours a night, I could do it.

Boy was I WRONG! After years of sleep deprivation I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and high blood pressure. Fun stuff, especially at 29. I'm not complaining, the diagnosis was just a shock at my age (although I am in the range of typical onset). I believe that my 'I can do it all" attitude brought it on faster than it would have had I been a little more relaxed about life.

So this brings me to my decision, my decision to go part time at work. I really don't want to chance losing my health insurance but I really can't keep doing it all. I need to slow down, a little. I want to be able to enjoy my family, my life and everything else....like the lavender out front or the cobwebs in the corner.

I just put my kids on the bus off to school, both of them all day at school now. My son forgot his lunch, I have to drive it to his school now, it's a 20 min drive one way. And, again I am not complaining but I also have class this afternoon and I have been awake since 7pm last night. I am gooing to get maybe a 2 hour nap before class, then after class my kids get home from school. I then have to get dinner together and get ready for work...somethings gotta give right?!? I don't want to have to worry about these small things all the time, like when I am going to fit in sleep (something that is a necessity for most people, it has become an option for me).

So I ask myself, Is it time for me to down-grade to part-time employee?