Sunday, June 17, 2012

Wow....

I write today out of a mix of emotion. I am sad, confused, angry....just dumbfounded. I realize things change and life changes, most in a positive direction. What are the reactions when someones positive direction turns into a self serving downward spiral? When you have to cut yourself from a person because their self destruction just dissects your heart strings. Even worse when there is children involved. I am not going to get into the situation cause it is not my story to tell, but I can give you an idea of a similar resulting ending.
When I was a teenager I was quiet, I was very agreeable and pretty much did as I was told. When I turned 18 I turned into a wildchild; piercings, tattoos, late nights, and I dropped out of college. My closest friends at the time were very upset with me, they said I had changed. I didnt understand why they felt this way, I felt this is who I always was and I was finally my own person to be able to express that. They eventually stopped talking to me all together, I was sad but happy to be who I was. I never understood their issue with me, until now. A friend went from a loving devoted mother, that worked and was going to college full time, and doted on her child; now is longer like this. Going out drinking on the weekend and sometimes during the week, having unproptected sex, smoking/smoking weed (popping pills), never being to able to be at home with just her child. It is sad, this isnt the mom her child has grown up with. Its not the friend I know. The friend I knew would never do any of this around or near her child, let alone go out and party every weekend. I now know how its feels to lose a friend due to their change, I can not watch people self destruct like that...it may make me a bad friend but I dont know what else to do because I cant be supportive of that kind of behavior. So sad, concerned....

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